What you didn't learn in church on Sunday

Today's lesson is from Leviticus. And it raises the question, if the bible is the divine word of god, don't you have to follow everything in it rather than pick and choose?

Leviticus 19:27 - "Do not cut the hair at the sides of your head or clip off the edges of your beard."

Did you shave today?


Leviticus 19:16 - "Do not go about spreading slander among your people. Do not do anything that endangers your neighbor's life. I am the LORD."

Do you gossip? Do you talk smack? Do you talk badly about your co-workers or your boss?


Leviticus 11:10 - "But all creatures in the seas or streams that do not have fins and scales--whether among all the swarming things or among all the other living creatures in the water--you are to detest."

Do you like shrimp? Lobster?


Leviticus 11:7 - "And the pig, though it has a split hoof completely divided, does not chew the cud; it is unclean for you."

Do you eat BBQ? A tasty sausage link? Breakfast sausages with your eggs? Do you carry a leather purse? Wear leather shoes? Play catch with the football?


Leviticus 19:19 - "Keep my decrees. Do not mate different kinds of animals. Do not plant your field with two kinds of seed. Do not wear clothing woven of two kinds of material."

Is that shirt a cotton-poly blend? Are you growing tomatoes and squash in the same field?


Leviticus 15:19, 20 - "When a woman has her regular flow of blood, the impurity of her monthly period will last seven days, and anyone who touches her will be unclean till evening." AND "Anything she lies on during her period will be unclean, and anything she sits on will be unclean."

Women - always causing problems!

Join us next week for another installment of "what you didn't learn in church on Sunday".

Sneak peek:

Ephesians 5:4 - "Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving."

Did you use foul language today? You are fucked if you did.

(2 Kings 2:23-24 - god sends a couple of bears to rip up 42 little children for making fun of Elisha's bald head.)